Friday Funny—Redneck Creativity

 

A big thank you to Dan for the pictures:D

Redneck Waterslide

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Red Neck Portable Deck


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Red Neck Faux Christmas Tree

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Red Neck Flip-flops

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Red Neck Beer Cooler


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Red Neck “Male” Box


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Red Neck Shower Head

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Red Neck Recliners

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Red Neck Air Conditioner

(Quite ingenious actually!)

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Red Neck Cup Holder

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Red Neck Eatery

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Red Neck Bucket List

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Red Neck Dream Catcher


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Red Neck Long Burning Candle

(Will burn up to 45 days, continuously)

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Who has a Whodunit?

I’m in the mood for a mystery but the last 3 authors I picked up just didn’t hold my interest. So what I want is a whodunit kinda mystery a la Agatha Christie or Conan Doyle. I would prefer a little romance with it, but not a lot.

And if you could have a crafting theme that goes along with it, you get bonus points.

I’m more interested in cozy mysteries, than police procedurals.

So if anyone has some good authors, please give them a shout out in the comments section.

Here are some of my favorites:

Elizabeth Peters (and many of her other names)

Jenna Bennett

Alisha Craig/Charlotte MacLeod

MM Kaye

there are more, but these are my go tos when I need a good story to get lost in.

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Cover Reveal—New Apocalyptic Series

Here is the first cover from my new apocalyptic series coming May 2015

Hadean: Threshold of Extinction

Our food isn’t killing us; it’s changing us—turning us into killers.

For decades scientists have used viruses and bacteria to insert rogue genetic code into our food. Now human DNA is mutating. Switches are being flipped. Some will commit suicide; others will become homicidal maniacs.

One family.

A mother in the custody battle of her life.

A college graduate whose experiment foreshadows a grisly future

A teen whose final exam won’t be in English but in survival

Separated by miles.

Desperate to reunite.

When all hell breaks loose, every block is a gauntlet.

 

 

1B&N

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Friday Funny—Love Story

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.  Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.  One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming poolRalph suddenly jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him.  She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.  When the Head Nurse Director became awareof Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,  
‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you’re being discharged,
since you were able to respond rationally  to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love….  I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’

Edna replied,
‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry..  

How soon can I go home?’

Happy Mental Health Day!

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The Paradigm Prison

Yesterday, my husband called to tell me we’d forgotten to purchase new kitchen trash bags while we were at Costco. For those who shop at a warehouse store, you know it seems like some things take forever to go through. Such is the life of a kitchen bag in our house. We buy them every year, year and a half. 

Apparently, we’d missed our regularly scheduled pick up. 

Yet, in the back of my head, I remember squirrel a roll in a safe spot. So I asked if he’d checked the shelf above the freezer and the one above the washing machine.

He assured me he had, and that he’d even gone one step beyond and taken down the reusable grocery bags. Still no trash bags.

Hmmm. I told him I’d look when I got home. You see, that layer of air molecules in front of things sometimes makes it difficult to see.

Except I forgot.

To be fair, I sanded a few patches of drywall I’m repairing. I weeded the back yard for an hour, then added mulch to the grapevine, roses and dug a bigger trench around the orange tree, before adding its mulch, then I washed the dishes, did a little promotion on facebook, read a poem or three by Robert Frost, brushed the pool, cleaned up the spilled cat food my son left me, juiced a bunch of lemons, and watered some of the plants out back.

Just as I was sitting down to clean some strawberries while watching Antiques Roadshow, hubby called. Had I found them?

Ahh, no, not  yet. Call ended, I left the strawberries and checked the usual places. Nada. Zip. Then I double checked above the freezer. No joy.

Lastly, I looked above the washing machine. Just as I was turning away, I caught the writing on the side of the box. Tall Kitchen bags. And there was a whole roll inside the dusty box.

Yep, both of us were so busy looking for a roll we missed the box.

Goes to show, when you expect to see something you’ll see it, but you’ll miss a lot while getting there.

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Sometimes You Just Gotta Watch

Did you ever slow down for an accident? Yeah, I’m pretty sure you have. It seems to be human nature. Now, I don’t know about you, but I also like to find the movies with one or two star ratings on Netflix and watch them.

Most of the time, their star rating is earned. Other times, I strike gold.

Such was the case last Thursday. I watched a movie called Knock ‘Em Dead.

51pBQf6CP+LThree rival actresses and the crew of a horror movie reunite for a sequel, but one among them mimics the film’s methods to start a killing spree.

I have never laughed so hard.

The cast was amazing, the dialogue was witty, and the plot (tho predictable) was pretty good.

So if you’re looking for a movie that’s different from the norm, you might want to check it out.

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Friday Feel Good—Lesson’s From Noah’s Ark

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Noah’s Ark : Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah’s Ark.
ONE: Don’t miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark ……
FOUR: Stay fit. When you’re 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you’re stressed, float awhile.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.

Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.

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