Friday Funny—When you’re over 70

Some might find this offensive

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business.

This fat homely chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said,  “You’re kind of cute, you gotta a phone number?”

I said, “Yea, you gotta pen?”

She said “Yea”, I got a pen”.

I said, “Well, you better get back in it before the farmer misses you”.

Cost me 6 stitches.

When you are over seventy . . . who gives a ****

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I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

“If you lost a few pound and had a shave and got your hair cut, you’d look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I’d be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a  ****

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I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

“Really” she said, “Go on then…try.”

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, “Come on, what day was I born?”

I said,  “Yesterday.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

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I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, “Good legs.”

The girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so.”

I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.”

When you are over seventy, who gives a ****

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Sometimes Stubborn Just Doesn’t Cut it

I’ll admit, I finish more books because I’m stubborn and I have a deadline. Others are waiting on me. I hate to be kept waiting—a genetic trait in our family is to arrive early or you’re late.

Then there’s the writing thing.

Yeah, I apparently am the world’s worst employee. I don’t listen to anyone, not even me. I’m not this way at my day job. I plan, execute, and clean up. Everything is done well before it needs to be done. Finished, tied with a bow, no problem.

That’s discipline.

I need to be disciplined in my life if I ever expect to transition from the day job to the writing job. But I started writing to escape the day job in science. Now it’s a fine division between the two sides of me. So how would one go about upping the discipline while tempering the stubbornness?

I haven’t a clue and what’s worse is my stubborn side is refusing to research a potential solution.

What’s the saying? If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. How about if it is broke, I could use duct tape and strap myself to a chair and force myself to write. Well it is a new month. Maybe I’ll start to make writing regularly a habit.

Then again, I wouldn’t want to interrupt my good intentions at the beginning of a work week:D

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A Tale of Three Burgers

In the last few weeks as my life has gone from crazy busy to just plain insane, I’ve eaten burgers out at three different fast food places. Two are well known chains, one is a local chain. Now, let me say, I love burgers. They’re the best thing on the planet, especially when I need red meat.

But the last few weeks have seen their share of disappointment.

The first was a burger bomb. It sat like lead in my stomach, just waiting to retaliate for eating it when I least expected it. This used to be my favorite burger because of its pickley goodness. My husband complained that his didn’t even had that onion breath leftover he’d become accustomed to. In other words, you can never go home again, and apparently the burgers there aren’t was good as I remember.

The second had never been my favorite but recently they added a bacon burger that had been good in the past. So back we went. I don’t like the fries with the skins on and the burger just didn’t live up to expectation, especially as the price had been jacked up to $8.50.

Which leaves us to our local chain. Oddly enough it is cheaper than the two national chains and the burger doesn’t shrink down to silver dollar size. Then there’s the fact that it’s grilled over open flames when we order it and the fries have seasoned salt on them. Yum. So for the price, I know where I’ll be heading for my fast food burger.

Then again, hubby just threw some on the grill and we’ve got leftovers for the week. Maybe that’s the best fast food:D

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Friday Funny—Somehow I don’t feel so old

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Monsoon Pictures

Here are two photos from the approaching storms. This one is my favorite as it shows an isolated shower in an otherwise clear sky.

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This one is just a beautiful sunset.

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Son of a Biscuit

When I was 13 and again as as a bride at 20, my grandmother tried to teach me to make biscuits. I love baking, which isn’t the same as cooking, and so I thought it should be no problem.

She got out a teacup, measured out the flour, took a pinch of salt, a quarter of baking powder, and another teacup of buttermilk and made the lightest, fluffiest biscuits ever. My husband even ate them with gravy. Gravy! For a man who doesn’t let his food touch this was a major step forward.

But I digress.

Once I returned home, I tried making biscuits. I think the technical term is cat heads. You know the kind that are flatter than a pancake and kinda pointy. I have tried and tried for any number of years to remake those light and flakey biscuits.

And I haven’t succeeded.

So this afternoon, to go with the quick and dirty chicken pot pie, I tried again. My mom sent me her biscuits. Which are like her mother’s— light and flakey. I’m pretty darn sure I’m missing the biscuit gene, but I don’t lack the stubborn one, so I tried again.

So, this time I got have half cat heads and half somewhat light biscuits. All were flakey. So, I’m gaining. Maybe by the time I am 90, I’ll have mastered the biscuit making.

Wish me luck.

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Friday Funny—Deer Visits Cat

This picture it was taken in Harrisburg , Pennsylvania.  ‘It’s just too awesome not to share.  This same deer visits a cat in it’s yard every morning!  The owner finally took pictures.

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Those we love don’t have to be exactly like us.  Life is far too short for drama and petty things to interfer.  So enjoy those in your life even if they have a different perspective or experiences that you don’t understand, learn and listen, appreciate, and love truly, forgive quickly and pray often!  

“Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest.  It’s about those who came into your life and never left your side.”

Too cute to not share!!!  Have a great day!!!

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